The belief that I am wasting my life has always had an incredibly detrimental impact on my mental health. I find myself tirelessly trying to plan every detail of my future meticulously however unrealistic that is. Life is far too unpredictable to plan.
For some unbeknown reason I had conjured up the belief that I need to accomplish everything, all my goals and dreams straight away. I couldn’t be patient, I would sit and beat myself up because I need to travel the world and I need an incredible career that I love. Its like I had created a five year plan for myself but expected to get it all done by the time I was 21. I was so scared I’d never accomplish anything.
I persuaded myself that I was a failure. I put myself into a pit of depression and unbearable anxiety. It was irrational, I had indoctrinated myself into thinking that I should be doing all of these things already and it terrified me. I’m only 22. How could I believe that by now I should have travelled the world and have a career I adore?
We live in an age where we expect everything we want immediately. We’re encouraged to do the things we want straight away. My Facebook, Instagram and Twitter feed is full of ‘motivational’ Pinterest images telling me to quit my job pack a bag and travel; to buy the shoes because life isn’t all about paying bills. It just isn’t realistic, especially for the average millennial.
I can hardly afford my rent let alone a flight across the continent. I don’t have savings to rely on or a wealthy family. I can’t just quit my job, pack a bag and travel the world because having a career I am passionate about is just as important to me as seeing every city on my bucket list and that’s fine.
There is so much I want to do, and I pressure myself into thinking I can’t achieve it all because I put unrealistic time frames on myself. I have time. I’m only just into my twenties, I have so much time to fulfil my ambitions so why do I always think I’m running out? My Instagram feed had me believing that I need it all now.
Comparison will drive you crazy. Every time you compare yourself, where you are in life, your goals or your accomplishments to other people you are torturing yourself. It is toxic. Why am I telling myself I’m running out of time because someone I follow on Instagram is travelling the world and I’m only just saving up money? Why do I compare my career to other people when the circumstances are completely different.
I have wasted so much time focusing on other people instead of on the things that will make me happy and ultimately, we all owe it to ourselves to be happy.